Weird how fluctuating hormones can change my whole perspective on life. On Sunday afternoon, I told my mom in all earnestness that “This is the worst year ever.” And while it’s true that this year is presenting its certain challenges (like making friends, for example), I think that my lament was largely hormone-fueled. Because by Tuesday, the bitch-colored glasses I seem to have been wearing all last week sort of fell of my head, and suddenly there was beauty in the world again.
So yesterday, as I stepped out my perfectly gray, perfectly still, perfectly quite cubicle to get some lunch and some sunlight, it was suddenly obvious to me that, although this the worst year ever from time-to-time (apparently one week a month), it’s also a year that I’m going to look back on with extreme wistfulness once it’s over.
First, this should be established: I have been an extremely negative person since I came into consciousness. My sippy cup was definitely half empty, and now my ceramic to-go mug is, too. I think society should give negative people a break! We were born this way! But that’s another post for another time…
What I was getting at is, I am extremely negative person, but I always always look back on the past with fondness. This an incredibly annoying personal habit, but it’s one I can’t seem to break. Especially asinine is the fact that I am even nostalgic for periods of my life that weren’t even enjoyable when they were actually happening. Sometimes I’m all, “Hey, remember when I had 8:30am classes four days a week and lived in a tiny apartment located next to both a power plant and what I think was a burgeoning trash dump? Oh man. Those were the days.”
I really don’t expect you to understand it, because I don’t either. But it’s almost like the fact that a certain period in my life has been proven to be survivable (by the fact that I survived it, natch) qualifies it as nostalgia-worthy. In fact, just about the only expanse of time that I don’t’ have nostalgia for is fourth through eighth grade (the cool girls and their lunch table, remember?).
But anyway, two days ago I was just really struck by the fact that I would badly miss this time in my life when it’s over. Which is almost definitely a sign of emotional maturity, no?
A few reasons why Future Me will be nostalgia-ing hard for August 2011 through March 2012:
1. I have practically no responsibility at work.
“But why are you glad you don’t have responsibility at work?” the layperson may ask. “Haven’t you any dreams and goals, haven’t you a vision?” (Because apparently the layperson is from 1935.) Well, the answer is no. I don’t currently have anything but extremely amorphous and ill-defined dreams and goals, and my vision is practically non-existent. And for that reason, I’m happy to just cruise along for now, and attempt to better-define my dreams, goals, and visions in my spare time. Also, how excellent is it that:
1.a: I can leave work for two hour “lunch breaks” and go shopping and
1.b: I make it a point to totally erase all thoughts of work from my mind before I leave the office every evening?
2. I have very few financial responsibilities.
So I don’t make much at my job, but rent is practically peanuts, I have no children to feed and clothe, and I rarely have to put gas in my car. This is really really nice. I hardly even have to bother with budgeting, and I love knowing that I can just up and move pretty much whenever.
3. I am single.
This also probably sounds counterintuitive to the layperson, but it really is kind of nice to be single. Don’t get me wrong: my ex-boyfriend (Blarf, I hate that term. It sounds both bitchy and immature. He will from now on be referred to as my repurposed man partner.) is one of the best people I know, and our relationship was a good one. But long term relationships can feel kind of limiting. Well actually, they are kind of limiting. Being single makes the future feel infinite again, in a way that it hasn't for a long time.
4. I am both happy with and comfortable in my body.
Being twenty-two is certainly not a bad age to be, physically speaking. My skin is still wrinkle free, my metabolism still works properly, and I like the amount of muscle tone that I’ve been able to develop. Plus, the competitive dieting that seems to florish for some reason among high school girls, and the body-awkwardness of middle school are mere memories. Because I now feel comfortable with my body, I have the confidence to make slightly more daring fashion choices, like high heels and dark lipstick.(I am not, however, happy and comfortable with my twenty-two year old hair, but again, another post for another time.)
5. I have enough free time to attempt just about every possible hobby
No homework, few work responsibilities, and no family to take care of all amount to ample free time. So far, I’ve attempted thrifting, sewing, gardening, and interior design. Plus I can run every day. And watch TV and movies. And read whatever I want!
6. I have kitties!
No elaboration necessary beyond this:
Wow, after typing out that list, my life seems practically awesome. Quite the exercise these “gratitude lists” are. I can see why they’re so popular with the SAHM crowd.
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